Steve's Blog Spot

Go buy a turkey Take a drink of whisky Put turkey in the oven Take another 2 drinks of whisky Set the degree at 375 ovens Take 3 more whiskys of drink Turk the bastey Whisky another bottle of get Ponder the meat thermometer Glass yourself a pour of whisky Bake the whisky for 4 hours Take the oven out of the turkey Floor the turkey up off of the pick Turk the carvey Get yourself another scottle of botch Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey Bless the dinner and pass out

An Irishman was running close to being late for the christening of his brother's new baby. He especially did not want to be late, as he was to be the child's godfather. As he approached the church, all the parking spots appeared taken, so he said a little prayer, "Heavenly Father, I need your help. I can't be late, so if you can help me find a parking place, I promise to give up drinkin' for a whole year!" Just as he turns the corner, lo and behold there's an empty spot right alongside the church. He tilts his head upward and says, "Never mind, Lord. I already found meself one!"

So here's a little humor on that subject: At the end of the tax year the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a Synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?" "Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles." "Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way: "What about all these bread wafer purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?" "Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free box of bread-wafers." "I see," replied the auditor, thi...

From my buddy Pete: I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?" He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?" "Oh, no!" I replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either!" Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?" I said, "No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!" "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?" "No, I don't," I said. He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?" "No," I said. He looked at me and said, "Then, why do you even give a shit?" Now, that's funny!