Showing posts from November, 2008

17 Ways to Cook A Turkey

Go buy a turkeyTake a drink of whiskyPut turkey in the ovenTake another 2 drinks of whiskySet the degree at 375 ovensTake 3 more whiskys of drinkTurk the basteyWhisky another bottle of getPonder the meat thermometerGlass yourself a pour of whiskyBake the whisky for 4 hoursTake the oven out of the turkeyFloor the turkey up off of the pickTurk the carveyGet yourself another scottle of botchTet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkeyBless the dinner and pass out

So Here Is My Nerd Theme Song...

courtesy of my all-time hero nerd, Weird Al...

Can't help but laugh at this guy!

Uber Cool High Nerd

Yep. That's me!
Or at least that's what the survey said.

Click on this thingy above to find out how you rate, if you dare...
Weird test questions, but some are pretty funny.

Timeless Style...

Last weekend I was at a flea market and found this:

A JC Penney catalog from 1977. It's not often e-mail fodder just falls in my lap, but this was two solid inches of it, right there for the taking. I thumbed through it quickly and found my next dining room set, which is apparently made by adding upholstery to old barrels:

Also, I am totally getting this for my bathroom:

There's plenty more home furnishings where those came from, however I'm not going to bore you with that. Instead, I'm going to bore you with something else. The clothes.

The clothes are fantastic.

Here's how to get your ass kicked in elementary school:

Just look at that belt. It's like a boob-job for your pants. He probably needed help just to lift it into place. The belt loops have to be three inches long. And way to pull them up to your armpits, grandpa.

Here's how to get your ass kicked in high school:

This kid looks like he's pretending to be David Soul, who is pretending to be a cop who is…

Who Says Chocolate and Diets Don't Mix?

Check out this simple, lo-cal dessert recipe. All of 117 calories!

If This Doesn't Pull Your Heart Strings

Then you are cold, cold.

This'll make your day...

What handicap???

Grow Your Own Organs?

Ain't technology great?
In Britain they have now transplanted a new windpipe into a woman. The amazing thing is that the trachea was grown in a lab with the woman's own cells, so the risk of rejection is minimal.
How soon before it becomes commonplace?
Grow your own organs.
I can't wait to grow my own guitar...

Afterthought: will this replace Viagra?

There Goes my Budget

I went to a wine-tasting last night, more out of curiosity of trying new wines than in anticipation of buying any.
And I did well through all of them. Almost.
The wine expert gave an interesting presentation of sparkling, reds, and whites, Old World compared to California; and I reinforced what I had already knew, that I preferred reds from the latter area.
None of the wines, however, did anything for me, especially considering that as the tasting proceeded, the prices rose in unison. I figured I could slip out without buying anything and that it could end up a cheap evening.
I had spouted off earlier that I did not think I could really appreciate a $60 bottle of wine, that my taste had a $20 high-side limit. As the wine guy kinda laughed at my comment, I felt I would fade into his memory as just another wine cretin who would never appreciate all the subtleties of the more elite grape offerings. Fine by me. Wealth is not one of my attributes.
So you probably know where this is headin…


No, that's not a typo. Kinda fits, though. I like the word...

600 Miles

I hit a milestone while walking last night.
I have now walked 600 miles since beginning my walking program last April 1. I needed to walk only 4.25 miles, but ended up doing 7.6!
I started thinking about how far that distance really is. It's the equivalent of my house to the Mississippi river at Vicksburg, or to Tampa, or St. Louis.
I am on my fourth pair of walking shoes. Perhaps I should be reed-thin by now, but I do like to eat, and enjoy an occasional - heh! - bottle of red wine. Hey, life's a compromise! If I'm not losing pounds, then I seem to be losing inches. Slowly, but surely.
I have to force myself to walk over 60% of the time, but I always seem to be rewarded by something. Right now, it's the fall colors. They are amazingly rich!
So, I'll keep on trucking, as it were. Go, Forrest, go!

Post Election Humor

From The Onion:
Black Man Given Nation's Worst Job
November 5, 2008 Issue 44•45WASHINGTON—African-American man Barack Obama, 47, was given the least-desirable job in the entire country Tuesday when he was elected president of the United States of America. In his new high-stress, low-reward position, Obama will be charged with such tasks as completely overhauling the nation's broken-down economy, repairing the crumbling infrastructure, and generally having to please more than 300 million Americans and cater to their every whim on a daily basis. As part of his duties, the black man will have to spend four to eight years cleaning up the messes other people left behind. The job comes with such intense scrutiny and so certain a guarantee of failure that only one other person even bothered applying for it. Said scholar and activist Mark L. Denton, "It just goes to show you that, in this country, a black man still can't catch a break."