From a post of 4 years ago today. Still think it's funny.

How to Cook a Turkey
  1. Go buy a turkey
  2. Take a drink of whisky (preferably Blanton's bourbon)
  3. Put turkey in the oven
  4. Take another 2 drinks of whisky
  5. Set the degree at 375 ovens
  6. Take 3 more whiskys of drink
  7. Turk the bastey
  8. Whisky another bottle of get
  9. Ponder the meat thermometer
  10. Glass yourself a pour of whisky
  11. Bake the whisky for 4 hours
  12. Take the oven out of the turkey
  13. Floor the turkey up off of the pick
  14. Turk the carvey
  15. Get yourself another scottle of botch
  16. Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
  17. Bless the dinner and pass out

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Timeless Style...

Image
L ast weekend I was at a flea market and found this: A JC Penney catalog from 1977. It's not often e-mail fodder just falls in my lap, but this was two solid inches of it, right there for the taking. I thumbed through it quickly and found my next dining room set, which is apparently made by adding upholstery to old barrels: Also, I am totally getting this for my bathroom: There's plenty more home furnishings where those came from, however I'm not going to bore you with that. Instead, I'm going to bore you with something else. The clothes. The clothes are fantastic . Here's how to get your ass kicked in elementary school : Just look at that belt. It's like a boob-job for your pants. He probably needed help just to lift it into place. The belt loops have to be three inches long. And way to pull them up to your armpits, grandpa. Here's how to get your ass kicked in high school: This kid looks like he's pretending to be David Soul, who is pretending to be a
Read more

Ok, so I'll give you an update on my weight loss...

This hasn't been exactly a piece of cake, no pun intended! I last wrote in August about hitting a plateau. Well, I have managed to break through it. Gradually. Persistently. Painfully slowly. So far, I've lost a total of 40 pounds. Please, spare the applause. I have a long way to go, no time to sit back and dwell in it. The biggest effect has shown up in my waistline - I'm down 6 inches there. I am now wearing pants that date back several years. They're still just a little tight, but once I get past them, it will require investing in some new ones. I am still eating healthier - more fruit and vegetables, fish a couple of times a week, whole grains, smaller portions - but I haven't exactly given up on certain indulgences, as in - and not limited to - a good bottle of red wine. I guess I could have lost more weight faster, but my approach was to make lifestyle changes, and look longer term. Walking has been the key. It's gotten to the point where I can't not w
Read more

Thank God Election Day Is Almost Here

I'm really tired of it all. The ads, the sound bites on the news, the debates - all of it over, at least for a little while, until everyone and their neighbor starts posturing for the 2012 election! In sizing up all 4 candidates, after all the dust has settled, after all the blah-blah, after the ridiculous amount of money spent on each side, I see only 4 politicians. Two of them are lawyers. Two of them aren't. Two of them are polished and eloquent. Two of them aren't so polished and eloquent. Two of them talk about a lot of things. Two of them make things happen. I don't think the choice is difficult. Be sure to vote...
Read more